Adventures in Having a Boyfriend

The AT&T store might as well have had me plugged into the wall with the other blinking lights warning low battery. I shift my weight back and forth and chew on my lip, begging for some distraction to make the clock move again. It's an eternity of waiting. Bored, I flick open one of the demo phones on the wall, and watch as it springs to life. It's dazzlingly bright, flashy, bragging to sell itself. I hit another button on the keypad. Surprisingly, it dials, and waits patiently for more numbers. Slowly, with my weary mind, I realize that the phone has a data plan and a number. Fully functional, just strapped to the wall.

I look over my shoulder, checking that every employee is busy with a customer, and dial his number. Pausing, I look around again, and hit "send."I see it rings, briefly, and he picks up. I hang up.

I smile to myself and start to turn away when I notice the next phone. Another phone. Another number. Faster now, I dial again, and call. He picks up. I hang up. And repeat. I move down the line quickly, invisible to the rest, dialing and hanging up, over and over again.

I'm nearly to the last phone in the row, when a loud beeping interrupts the whole store. Startled, I turn, and realize it's the first phone. As I step nearer to it, I recognize his number, calling back. I'm no longer invisible, as the volume is turned up to the highest. Stupidity. The ringing is following slowly down the line of phones.

At this point, my mother comes over and asks what's happening. Rushed, I explain who's calling and why. With a laugh, and to my horror, she picks up the nearest phone, which happens to be the one ringing. "Hello?" she singsongs into it. Even standing where I was, I could hear his angry frustration pour out from the tiny flip phone. "This is your girlfriend's mom," she answers to one of his threats, "here she is," and hands it to me. Laughing, I say hello. He sounds horrified.

"I think I just told your mom to go to hell."