Flying

Bear in mind that I'm listening to "Tomorrow" from Annie as I write this.

"Love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die." - Moonstruck

I was wrong about this quote when I first saw this movie. I always thought it was hopeful. That love was fun and exciting, that Loretta and Ronnie would give in, and be together and happy and loving. I was wrong. Love does ruin everything. It does break your heart. And it does hurt, more then anything. But that's what we're here for.

We always feel better when we have someone who understands us, even when that understanding may come from a completely unexpected place. I asked a friend how he was, knowing his girlfriend had just left him. He said he felt alone. And in that one word, I knew I felt the same. Simple, hollow, loneliness. I found comfort in understanding. And we talked, about relationships, about what goes wrong, and the purpose of any of it. I told him I didn't think I've learned anything. After a moment's pause, he said, "Well, I realized that it's much more fun when you don't know what you're doing until the end."

And of course, he's right. I've made bad choices, I've liked the wrong people, I've taken chances. It's like flying. Even if you know you'll crash, it's better to fly, even once, then to never get off the ground. It's much more fun to take chances. We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. From this, we learn, we grow.

I can say honestly, I feel happy today. And I can say honestly, I'll be even happier tomorrow. And the next day. That doesn't mean I'll never look back, of course I will. But it means I'll learn from it, and love the time I spent flying, without knowing what I was doing. I loved, I crashed, I got hurt, and I learned. And that, is why we are here.